They say it gets easier. I say… well, kinda. I know this because I didn’t shed a single tear as I passed the Father’s Day cards display this year…the second Father’s Day since my dad died on October 2, 2008, but I still felt that familiar lump in my throat. That same lump I feel whenever I see a little graying man who reminds me of dad. I’ve come so close to going up and hugging those little old men when I see one sitting alone at a restaurant or shopping for groceries and I still push back tears at those times.
I’ve written several posts about my dad and his battle with Cancer including “How do you celebrate the last Father’s Day”, which I reread this morning. I remember showing that post to dad and his reaction to the first real knowledge of my fear of losing him.
Looking back, I wish I had really talked to him about it. I was always puting forth that strong front. Laughing with him and never letting him see my tears as his body slowly faded away.
Dad lived with me for his last 8 years which was the greatest gift I could ever have received. I still draw comfort curling up in “his” chair in our family room. And sometimes, I swear I still hear his giggle.
So on this Father’s Day, I take comfort from the words he said to me two Father’s Days ago, when he first read my words about my fears of losing him .
“Don’t worry, little sweetheart, I’ll always be here.” as he gently pressed a finger to my heart.
Yes, daddy, you are.
