The First Father’s Day Without Dad

My first Father’s Day without my dad….a day I have been dreading.

Last year I wrote a post entitled “How do you celebrate the last father’s day“.  Deep in my heart I hoped that the Drs. were wrong as they’d often been and that dad would still be around for father’s day this year.  Sadly, it wasn’t to be as dad lost his 14 year battle with Cancer on October 2, 2008.

This year, as I stood searching for the perfect Father’s Day card for my husband, it hit me (as it often does out of the blue) that I would never again search the card section labeled “for your father” and my throat tightened just a bit.

This morning I said “this if for you Dad, Happy Father’s Day” as I put dad’s American Flag in it’s holder on the front of the house.  Somewhere deep in the little girl side of my brain I thought maybe he could see that from Heaven.

I struggled a bit with not dwelling on the fact that dad isn’t here today because I know that dad never liked “maudlin”.  Every inch of his 5’2″ frame exuded happiness and laughter.

I remembered sitting next to dad at mom’s memorial service in 2001.  Just as the flutists ended their moving musical rendition dad leaned over to me and asked “Can we clap?” I said, “No, dad.  I don’t think so”.  He said, “I don’t know why not.  I think your mom would want us to clap.”   He was right, you know.

So, if you’re blessed to still have your parents in your life, cherish them and tell them you do… today, tomorrow and every day.  If all you have are memories, cherish those too.

“I put up your flag for you, dad.  Can you see it?”  And as I stepped back to admire it, I’m sure I heard him clapping.

Comments

  1. Hi AmyI just wanted to say that I think this post was great and my heart goes out to you. I still have my parents with me and I am blessed to have them. I have friends that don’t, and often this holiday is one of the hardest for them. Thanks for a great post.

  2. Hi Kyle~
    Thanks for those words. I had plenty of time to prepare myself for dad’s passing…but you’re never quite ready and the missing never goes away. Mom’s been gone 8 years and I still hear her voice…which is really a good thing I guess.

    Hug your folks twice. Once from me. :)