Today I am 50 and it's really not so bad.

my-birthdayWoke up today a decade older.  The big 5-0.  I remember when I thought 50 was old, but not today.  Today, 50 is just, well, 50.  If I was a car…I’d be a classic.  If I was a house…I’d be historic.  If I was a dress…I’d be vintage.  If I was a Macaw…I’d be pretty close to dead.

In my mind (which is a bright and happy place, by the way) I’m only 28 and I can almost believe that… if there are no mirrors around.  But even the mirror isn’t so scary if it’s sitting higher than my thighs. 

We won’t talk about body issues and things that have gone a little, well, South…but the face.  Ah yes, the face.  Some say the eyes are the windows to the soul.  I disagree.  I think it’s the face.  Even more specifically, the lines.  The lines that tell your story. 

I’ve got a few lines and in them I see 50 years of smiling and laughter and yes, a few tears as well.  I see the thrill of being 7, walking home after the last day of school before summer vacation.  7, when the days that stretched before me were filled solely with the promise of running through sprinklers, riding my big bike with the big balloon tires, eating my mom’s gritty egg salad sandwiches (from my sandy hands) at the beach, and swimming in Lake Michigan… that was so cold your lips turned blue.

I see years later and the joy at my daughters’ first cries, their first steps and their first band performance.  I see the little lines from worry over their illnesses and injuries and when they drove off in the car for the very first time…without me.  Those little lines that deepen even today over their worries and tears.  Being a mom is really hard on the face.

I see bittersweet days of daughters leaving for college and starting lives a plane trip away (why isn’t dealing with this in the mom rulebook?).  I also see the happiness of a daughter’s wedding and the births of her children.  The circle of life that brings the realization that you really aren’t going to live forever.

I see 50 years of loving and being loved, laced with just a touch of missing.  Missing a mom and dad who loved me unconditionally.  Missing nephews that died too young. 

I see a smidgen of sadness over words not spoken and over a few that were.  Over hurtful words said by people I’ve loved…words that leave their mark even though the words have been forgiven.

But mostly the lines in my face reflect 50 years of joy and are a constant reminder of God’s blessings.  The love of a wonderful husband and family, great friends and my precious grandsons’ laughter and hugs. 

I am 50 and I’m happy to be here. Yes, I am 50 and it’s not just for old people anymore.

Comments

  1. Dee Bertsch says:

    Happy Birthday, our friend,
    When I turned 70 I thought of all
    that went into getting to that age and as you said “happy to be there”
    So enjoy your birthday the number is just that a “number”.

    Dee and Ray

  2. Kee Kee says:

    It’s hard to believe you’re 50 …. time has a way of flying away before you know it. You are definately blessed hon …. and know that I love ya a whole bunch. LOVE YOU!!!!

  3. Thanks my friends, Dee & Ray! and you too Kee Kee…my favorite cousin/sis…I love you too!

  4. Sherry DeRossi says:

    Happy 50th birthday and join the club. I enjoyed your time of reflection, and I think we all do that a lot more often now and that is a good thing. Birthday blessings to you.
    Love,
    Sherry
    (almost 55) Ha-Ha!

  5. Thanks Sherry! Looking forward to 51! :) Luv ya!